Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
has been successful. The issue of this exciting pairing are due on January 12th, 2011.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
I have been attending this sanctuary on a regular basis for the last 12 years. It is where I go for peace, shared love, healing and relief from pain. It has always felt like home.
Unfortunately, due to the egos and disgraceful behaviour of other people this is no longer the case. Vile things have been written on Facebook about this sanctuary or rather the people involved in it. I do not care one jot what started this off because nothing excuses the vile behaviour that is now taking place. Absolutely nothing.
Feeling aggrieved, even if with just cause, is not a licence to be abusive. Such behaviour is unacceptable. It defiles the sanctuary and is demeaning to the person behaving in such a manner. They show themselves to be in a sorry state and to be so blind to their own self they cannot or will not see that abuse is unacceptable.
It seems to me that because they feel aggrieved they have decided to lash out at everybody and destroy anything they can. What they are actually doing is hurting themselves. This hatred they harbour rebounds on them and in the long run it is they who suffer.
Mediums, are by definition sensitive people. It is really not possible to work well in such a negative atmosphere. The last time that I worked there the animosity in the vibration made work very difficult and it showed.
I have always extended the hand of friendship and treated everybody equally, had a laugh and a joke had a hug and a kiss and end up being treated like dirt under a shoe because I had the temerity this morning to speak up when I saw yet another Facebook comment about my sanctuary. Although the comment itself was not abusive, like previous comments, it was designed purely to shit stir.
I knew that I would probably be on the receiving end of abuse now that I have made my feelings known. I was right but I deleted the messages unread and blocked the people. One soon learns to scan for key words and delete!
I am astonished that people who have a desire to become healers behave like this! They are sorely in need of healing themselves.I do not mean this in any way negatively. I truly do understand the pain these people are in and understand it is this pain that makes them to lash out. But I also know that the pain they are in is very long-standing and has very little to do with the present day. It is this long-standing pain and suffering that needs to be addressed.I know from my own life experience how painful and difficult this can be.I also know that one must recognise the need for change and healing within before any change or healing can come. Whilst one is still blaming everybody else for one’s behaviour this is not possible.
I have shown where my heart lies. These people have seen me work often enough, though I think it all fell on deaf ears. They have also experienced my kindness and friendship toward them. They have decided that none of that matters because I have called them on their disgraceful behaviour so they have now added me to the list of people to blame for their lives.
Pain and humiliation begets pain and humiliation. The only way to counteract this is through love. That is what these people are looking for. This is not the way to receive it. The worst aspect of abuse is that it becomes unrecognisable and abuse becomes love and lack of abuse becomes frightening and incomprehensible to those who only know abuse.
I hope that the people involved in this negativity regarding Littleport Sanctuary will come to a point where instead of dishing out hatred they can come to love and acceptance. If they can truly see the possibility that they are worthy of this love and acceptance their healing will have begun.
Edna and her puppies are doing really well. Whitney is fascinated by them and disturbs Edna by hanging head over the edge to stare at the puppies!
I have been doing a fair bit of dying and I have been trying out new techniques, one of which I call Flash Dyeing. This is what I got: I am very pleased with these and I shall be using the technique again.
Yesterday a person inadvertently sent an e-mail with reactionary content to one of my knitting lists. This one advocates the spanking of children. I am not alone in considering this is an appalling abuse of children. I wrote to the list and I said that I did not want to see such things on my knitting lists especially emails that encourage child abuse.
This is my opinion and I am entitled to it. I am not alone and this is why it the spanking and hitting of children is illegal in several countries. However, this does not entitle anyone to send me vile e-mails like the one I received this morning. The dark soul who sent it chose abusive words to defend her right to abuse her children. I am not surprised that she chose abusive words to defend her position.
What always surprises me is how dark a soul can become without the said soul noticing the light fading.
Yesterday I went for my swim and I also went for a walk. However, the walk was too much and I only just made it home. I ate my breakfast and soon after I went back to bed because I was in a great deal of pain despite having taken my medication. It turned out to be a really bad day pain wise and I was woken from my nap by the pain. I lay there for half an hour and then realised I just had to go and get the morphine. Once I had I was able to function again and then I enjoyed myself playing around, the results of which you can see above.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
It has been a hectic few days.
Edna had her puppies yesterday. I had been sitting with her since Sunday morning when it became clear that she was in the early stages of labour. I took her to the vet yesterday morning because I was concerned that despite her pushing for just over an hour nothing have appeared and nothing looked like it was going to. To cut a long story short the poor thing had four oversized puppies. thanks to the expertise of the vet nurse Lauren and the vet Cere, she did not need a Caesarean section. Between them they were able to manipulate the puppies out. Each was 10 ounces. We have two black boys and one brindle boy. The fourth puppy was a black girl but she just took far too long after the birth of the first three and she did not make it. Edna and her three sons are doing very well and you would never know that she had had such an ordeal. I wonder how on earth those puppies got so big especially as for the last two weeks of her pregnancy she didn’t eat much.
I had entered Whitney for a show that I really wanted to go to. Unfortunately, this show fell at the same time Edna’s puppies were due. However, Wendy Cain came to the rescue by offering to show Whitney for me. I was very surprised that anyone would put themselves out to do this and I accepted. Wendy showed her really well and Whitney one her 10th CC and went on to win Best In Show.
Whitney and I have received many congratulations for her win but strangely not from close friends. I find people very strange.
They say you find out who your real friends are when life is very difficult. I would say you also find out who your friends are when you are very successful!
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
I am not one who believes easily.I am highly sceptical.Trust does not come easily.
My heavily Christian background left me an atheist for some time. However, atheism did not sit comfortably with me. Christian people often say that my unbelief is the result of my childhood abuse and of meeting bad Christians. It never occurs to them that my unbelief is quite simply because I think the Christian story is ridiculous, without foundation, a pernicious lie created to keep people acquiescent to those who sought power. It’s story of redemption is not original. It is also nonsensical and no matter how it is explained away the whole idea is not compatible with a God of unconditional love.
So how did I come to the position of not being an atheist?
Quite simply, I discovered that my sensing of beings beyond the physical was not a symptom of mental illness. I came to understand that my vivid childhood imagination was not responsible for my experiences and certainly were not the work of Demons!
The certainty that I could not die, that I could not escape myself, came about as a result of me being in a coma. When I recovered, far from being happy and euphoric (because it was this incident that showed me that life continues after the death of the physical body), I was furious and terrified.
Most of what I believe today I believe because of direct experience and evidence. The main concept of spirit teaching is that thought is all important. That our lives depend on entirely upon that which we believe. When I first became aware of this I thought it was absolute nonsense. How could my suffering possibly be to do with anything that I think or believe? What is more, how could I stop suffering just by changing my belief?
Today I am in no doubt that this is true. No, I do not believe in magical thinking. I do not believe that I can make myself rich, prevent myself ageing, cure all my physical ills, by believing in a fantasy.
I do know for sure that I can change the way that I experience life, react to life, and feel, according to what I believe. Much of my life was miserable and painful because of just one belief that I held deeply ingrained in myself that I was unaware of: I was a bad defective person which is why I had been abused.
Since the experience I had back in the 70s during the coma, I have slowly grown. Gradually many of my extreme symptoms of mental and emotional distress began to fall away. My periods of mania became less manic, less often, and of shorter duration. The same is true of the depression I suffered. My OCD behaviours, my eating disorder, my self harming all lessened. It was a very slow and painful process.
Gradually my beliefs changed. Firstly, I came to believe that people could be genuinely kind to me without wishing anything in return. I came to believe, and this is most important, that I could change. I came to understand that the beliefs I had been indoctrinated with were just ideas, not Truth. I came to understand that nobody on this earth knows what Absolute Truth is. I came to understand that as a human being I could not know what Absolute Truth is. I came to understand that all I had and all others had is the meanings that they had created. (It is not possible for a human being to be objective as we filter everything through our brains and our meaning creations.)
I came to understand that I did not have to accept the meanings that others created! Following on from that I came to understand that many of the meanings I had accepted and / or created myself could be changed.
This is how my life changed. I changed from the miserable wretch that I was to the happy content person I am today. Throughout all of this process, I have been guided by others, by reading, and by messages through genuine and accurate mediums. Those who helped me the most were NOT those who told me what to think!
Thus that which I believe today has been shown to be true, as far as I am able to understand, to my satisfaction. From the very beginning spirit told me that I was loved and that what I thought and believed was what was important. Through their evidence and steadfastness, I slowly came to my present position. I do not have fixed ideas or beliefs or try not to. One must always keep the door open.
Three years ago, I went through what I can only call my “dark night of the soul”.This was the most painful period of my life. It was also the most healing period of my life. During that time, spirit never let me down, and they kept repeating the same message over and over and over again through various different mediums in various different places (churches and halls) and in various different ways. Until finally I got it.
I finally came to understand that I was still holding the belief that was holding me back. That belief was that despite me understanding that the sexual and physical and emotional abuse of me was wrong, I still believed that the people who did this to me did this because of who I am.
Spirit showed me that this was wrong. In a moment of absolute anguish, when I was on my knees in my bedroom begging to either be released or taken, it suddenly came to me that I had never been at fault. That the problem had lain with those who abused me. It was not anything about me that made them abuse me. It was about them. With that I released the pain at the very core of me. I will never forget that pain no matter how long I live. (I now also understand why healing is necessarily slow. I think that had the four several months long “dark nights of the soul” happen all at once I would either be insane or my body would have given out. Grief is physically very painful.)
My beliefs today are evidence-based.I have no time for religion.I am much more inclined towards science though I am obviously aware that the idea that consciousness survives physical death, and precognition, are two ideas that many, though not all, scientists reject. I therefore view everything that I read and watch to do with physics and science in general through the lens of knowing this. I understand completely that for many to accept this would mean having to completely reassess the meanings they have created. I know how difficult that is.
Monday, November 08, 2010
An elderly Scotsman lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies
of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite
cheese scones wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining
strength,and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he
slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort,
gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.With
laboured breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the
kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself
already in heaven, for here, spread out upon waxed paper on the
kitchen table were dozens of his favourite cheese scones.Was it
heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted
Kirkcaldy wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a
happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards
the table,landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips
parted, he could almost taste the cheese scone before it was in his
mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand
trembled on its way to the nearest scone at the edge of the table,
when his hand was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife...
> "F*ck off" she said, "they're for the funeral!!"
Friday, November 05, 2010
Above is a link to what I consider to be an excellent blog post by an excellent mother. It has thousands of responses and it has gone viral.
I do not need to advertise this post but I did want to express my astonishment at the utter lack of comprehension by so many people who read her post. It is clear by their comments that they did not read the same post that I did! Well, of course they did but they do not understanding the English language. They accuse her of writing what she did not write, of doing what she did not do. All of the accusations thrown at her can only be made by people who deliberately want to lie and/or are not educated enough to understand the written word.
There are those who attack her for saying that her five-year-old son is gay based solely on the title of her post. However, if they read the rest of her post and understood it they would know that this is far from what she is saying and her anger is at those morons who assume that he is!
Then there are those who attack her because she encouraged her boy to follow through with his desire to dress as the character he dressed as when he balked through fear of what others would say. This would have been hard for her but was the right thing to do and by doing so she taught her son to be himself and not to allow the mob to dictate who he is and how he expresses himself.
There are even those who tried to appear non-judgemental and fail miserably by suggesting that a good mother would have told him but wearing a female costume was inappropriate for a boy and a good mother would have steered him towards something like a cowboy outfit!!!
Then of course there are the comments from the fundamentalist nincompoops who take every possible opportunity to spread their evil.
Finally what I find most disturbing is just how many unbalanced and disturbed people there are.
I cannot let this be without pointing out that the overwhelming majority of posts were fully supportive of this brave and good mother and that makes me feel optimistic for the world that we live in.
The most difficult thing about my disease for me is learning to pace myself. I have struggled with this for years. I fight my body constantly, forcing myself to do things when I am exhausted. Fatigue is the major problem not the pain.
Pain is dealt with by the medication really quite effectively, even though rarely 100%. That is a minor gripe. What the medication cannot do is deal with fatigue.
I have had a pretty good week. I swam and walked on Monday. I did neither on Tuesday the but I did do things in the house. I swam and walked on Wednesday and Thursday although on Thursday I had to abandon my swim as I just could not do it. Again, not through pain but through weakness. I came home and I rested until it was time for me to go and do a talk and demonstration.
I knew that today would not be a good day physically. I planned for it. I didn’t actually have to do anything I just knew and accepted, which is the most important thing, that I would be feeling today as if I had done a dog show yesterday. I did not hurry away from the place where I did my talk and I did not hurry to bed when I got home. I allowed myself to sit and unwind, eat a meal, watch some TV, and then go to bed. I did not set the alarm and I slept in.
I am doing nothing today other than what I have to do for the dogs. I am not even knitting because I feel too weak. Instead I am reading a book on my Kindle, The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Night-Time, and farting about on Facebook.
This has resulted in me mentally feeling good. I am not feeling guilty for being lazy or for giving in to my disease. I am taking care of myself.
I am not perfect and I know that I probably have not finished pushing myself but I consider this to be a major step forward in coming to terms with my situation. I would never have believed that having a disease that caused 24/7 pain would produce challenges for me that have nothing to do with the pain itself! Like most people I am sure, I would have thought that the pain would be be major issue. As with everything else in life, it is my attitude that makes the difference. Once again proving to me that what we think and believe is of the utmost importance because it affects our life in every way imaginable.
I really cannot think of a time previously that I have mentally prepared for the type of day I am having today. I knew how I would feel today because I know my disease well and I mentally prepared for it. Even when I do dog shows, and I know that I will be stuffed for two days following, I have still fought against it. By not doing so today, I have relieved myself of unnecessary burden and so consequently I don’t feel miserable either. I just physically feel buggered and that is okay because it will pass as long as I take care and rest.
It may seem elementary to most people and perhaps some reading this will be perplexed that I have taken so long to come to the obvious. We are complex beings and we all face different challenges. Having this disease has helped me to see areas of myself that I have not even known were there and that still need work. It has also shown me strengths that I did not know that I had. Tenacity being one, optimism, fortitude and the ability to push into the background the pain that could overwhelm. This ability does of course have its negative side in that I can become unaware of the need for rest and medication. It is an ongoing education.