MHSOH

I ended up leaving negative feedback for the seller on Ebay. I hate to do that but was left with no choice. I was not happy for several reasons. I paid directly out of my PayPal balance-no bank account for card involved. Supposedly payment didn't get here till 23rd, 3 days after I paid. How come? I received yarn 7 days after I paid. I was also charged way over the cost of postage which was £2.65 and I was charged £4.30. I know packing costs, I do it all the time, but a plastic bag does not cost £1.65. I would have charged £3.15. Post cost and .50p for rest(bag etc).(oh and in case you don't know this, I would not get £3.15, but less than £3 as PP take a cut of ALL money that is paid to me.)

To make it worse, one of the hanks was only 88gm, not the stated 100gm. I wrote on Friday as soon as I knew this. I got this as a response:

We sell on an average hank weight at 18.25% moisture at 100gms in line with the standard regulations on these items, sometimes the yarn can dry out or fall below the physical weight dependant on the actual moisture content.

However, we do try to ensure that our yarns physically weight 100gms and if you are unhappy with an individual hank and can return this intact with the appropriate order number and details we can either refund this or replace it.

I wrote back immediately, having measured the yarn and knowing it was 50m short, 350 instead of 400m. I resisted the urge to comment that I resented being taken for a fool. I said I was happy to send the hank back, for a 100gm 400m replacement, at their expense. As of this evening, 3 whole days after my response, I have received no reply. I decided then I had done all I could. It really is annoying because they have other yarn I really would have bought, and bookmarked one set, not buying until this was cleared up. It wasn't cleared up so I didn't buy.I am aware that not all people are blessed with a SOH and that also humour doesn' necessarily travel well. However, I do wonder why people who normally do not comment, find the sudden urge do so when they feel aggrieved? It's rather like only speaking to be critical. Sad.

Today could have been better. I did have a good, if difficult swim. When the time came around for pills, I took different ones, two of them, and the pain was gone, all gone, within an hour. Unfortunately, I was then hit with a ravenous hunger. I won't do that again, take the two pills. Or maybe I should wait until after I have eaten a substantial lunch? I had eaten, about an hour before, but a light meal, an omelette.

Things are a bit nosiy here with the dogs all sexed up. Trouble is I am fairly certian that no sooner will Carly have ceased her season, Edna will start hers!

My second pair of home dyed socks are coming along well. Just a normal wool/nylon mix, again dyed with food colour. I am using a no hole lace pattern on them which I am pleased with, though i think it would look better on a plain coloured pair.

I have also found place that will make shoes or boots to my specifications. The colours and design I choose. Not expensive either though I will have to wait until I know what our exact financial position. I may not be able to. :(

I really need to knit up some sweaters on the machines. John dropped a rather large hint at the weekend! I have had some orange cashmere swatched up for me for months and still have not knitted it. I also owe Sarah one and haven't done that either. I will, it;s just not as easy as it was. I am trying to promise myself to knit these 3 pairs I have on the needles, and no more, until the sweaters are done.

NO TEA

We went to a craft fair today. It was held in the grounds of the Queen's private estate, Sandringham. I thought, as we were there, we'd pop in for a cup of tea and a chat.The bitch wasn't there and had pissed off to the Caribbean. I shan't bother next time. How rude! Honestly, does no one have any manners today? Not so much as a hint she wouldn't be in.

Fortunately, the set up was such that it was easy to navigate in Daniel, who only struggled once to get over a raised bit.

As often happens, a woman stopped and said 'I love your boots. My sister would kill you for those.' I replied that her sister had no need to kill a cripple for his boots as they were available online! She laughed, which was the intention. Oh, and the boots were my Lilac Lampur Docs.

It was a good show. John bought a beautiful wooden box, hand made and polished. I bought a hat and a stoneware cup and saucer with a sheep motif on it. We bought a pig leaning over a gate having a gossip. (a figurine, not a real one.)

I saw some beautiful multi-coloured leather shoes and I asked the crafter if he had them in a size 8. His response was 'yes, but they are women's shoes', and turned away from me! So f'ing what! I wanted to know the size. He clearly wasn't interested in selling them to a man. Really, where do they come from?

We found a marquee specifically for weavers, spinners, dyers, etc but it was very disappointing. I did see some beautiful own grown and spun Alpaca but I forced myself to resist the temptation. I really have no need for it.

I was hungry and as is normally the case at these places, the food was inappropriate for me. I found a Venisonburger and I bought one of those. It filled the hole and the bun went in the bin. The Venison was really tasty. I have recently started to buy Venison sausage and they too are tasty. Very low fat and hardly any carbs.

This reminds of a really funny joke, at least I thought it was. A young woman, attractive with large eyes and from the wrong side of the tracks, was asked if she had been called Bambi because of her big eyes. She replied, 'nah, cos me movver was shot.'!!!! I found it hysterical. It was a scene in The secrets Diary of A Call Girl starring Billie Piper.

On the way home we stopped for a Sunday Roast at a large Hotel which we pass frequently. We shall eat there again. Very reasonable and excellent quality food.

Poor Luque is really frustrated now. Carly is 'ripe' and so the hormones are driving him wild. In a couple of days it should be over as it's already 3 days. The season is usually 21-28days but they are only ripe for a few of them, around the middle time. This is when they ovulate and they give off a different pheromone and thus the boys go nuts then.

Both of us are feeling much less tense now that we know we shan't be losing the house. In fact, it would seem the news I have is going to be even better than that, but I will not divulge until we are certain and it is all signed, sealed and delivered.

TAX FREE

I ordered Elizabeth Zimmerman's 'Knitting Workshop' and Barbara Walker's A Treasury Of Knitting Patterns, A Second Treasury of Knitting Patterns and Charted Knitting Designs - A Third Treasury of Knitting Patterns.

All from Amazon.com. In case any British readers don't know, as I did not until John informed me, there is no tax to pay on books no matter where they come from. I have previously only ordered one book from them and that was Maria Erlbacher's Twisted Stitches book which arrived promptly.

NO FOOL

Grr I hate it when people take me for a fool.

I ordered 5 x 100gm undyed socks yarn. It arrived after a week so I was already not happy. I weighed each hank the second I got it. One of them was only 88g. I wrote and told the seller this was not acceptable to me. I was told that moisture loss would account for the discrepancy!!!!

Bollocks! I measured the short hank and one of the normal ones. The short hank has about 50m missing. I have written and told them so.

Perhaps they thought I was green? Whatever, I shall let you know the result. I have stated I wish it to be replaced with a full 400m hank with the postage to be at their expense.

AUTUMN CHANGES

I am especially pleased with these. They are the result of my first adventure with home dyeing. I used Kool Aid and I used a syringe to drop the colours on DRY yarn.I then wrapped in cling film and nuked for several minutes.






The yarn is 80% Merino and 20% Bamboo, probably my favourite mix. I knitted it on 1.75mm Hiya Hiya circular needles. They are knitted toe up using my Andersson Construction Method with the Andersson heel Mach II (revised). I would probably choose to use 2mm needles next time.

CONTRARY

After yesterday's good news, you' think the rest of the day would have been good. I had the worst pain I have had for a while, even after topping up. I assumed this was due to relaxing after weeks of tension. I was looking forward to nice long ad deep sleep. Well, bugger me stupid if I didn't have have a really bad night of fitful dozing and weird dreams! It didn't help that the wind and rain kept me awake at first, it was really loud.

Still I when I finally quit trying to sleep and got up, I at least did so with much less trepidation. John sounds much better too which is a relief. I imagine things may be much better now between us as he is no longer carrying that dreadful burden of an awful secret. The suffering he put himself thru for years. Me too, indirectly, because I was living with a 'closed off' person and I knew something was wrong but didn't have a clue as to what. I used to dream often that he was not here, gone with another. In waking time I knew the never would but my gut knew something was wrong with him.

Forgiveness doesn't come into it. I don't think I understand the word really. Do I hate him for doing this? Of course not! Am I still angry? No. Do I still love him? Yes. Do I trust him? Not where money is concerned. Do I trust he loves me? Yes. I think he has suffered greatly thru this and whilst I know he caused it, I am glad it is over and am just sad he went thru this. I'll never understand how he could have let it happen. I am not one for burying my head in the sand and hoping things will go away. I am the opposite of that. The fear would prevent me ignoring it. How he lived with this fear for so long I don't know. I do know it robbed us of a peaceful relationship.

I have learned that someone who truly does love you can hurt you deeply. I have learned that yet again my gut feeling was right. I have learned I still have trouble with trust. I have learned that the supposed 'dead' are not and they can intervene when necessary and when they do, the person needs to be open to the hint and see it. I could have ignored the initial letter form a credit card company that hinted a problem. It didn't say there was, just hinted. I then called the exact right person to sort it out. Her name just jumped off the page of the directory and I called her. All of this just in the nick of time too. Had the first I knew about been when the bankruptcy papers had arrived, it would have been too late. Oh, and I have also learned that I ought to trust the images I get when meditating. Every time I have had a crisis, I get an image in meditation that shows the outcome. It has been correct each time. I still doubt!

John wasn't best pleased that on the Tube two young women, on separate trips, offered him their seat and on of the seats was earmarked for the elderly or infirm!

The second 50gram hank of yarn came out much more to my taste. Still not pooling but a classy spiral. I am now going to re-dye the other one. Just going to over dye some of the orange and green with the black so it is closer to the other hank in look. For some reason the black isn't in fact black, but very dark brown, like dark roast coffee beans. This is from the food colouring I have sued so far. I do have two lots of 'proper' wool dye but have yet to use it.

COMING UP FOR AIR

I was very anxious again his morning. I went for my swim at 11am. I have found if I put sleep first, I can swim better and longer. I was putting swimming first before and that didn't work out.

When I got back from the pool, having decided I'd really rather die than live in a one bed flat in London, and having figured out how to make sure I did, there was a message on Call Minder telling me that the bankruptcy has been cancelled. Just as I had seen in a meditation, but you know me and trust.....we just have to wait for the written confirmation. Also, the figure has been reduced somewhat and out tax person thinks we have more than enough to cover it and will be able to go way too.

Negotiation is still ongoing and it will still be a while before we know for sure what is what but I am assured the house is safe. I will feel better once I know for sure and it is all done and dusted. This whole experience has made me feel worse than almost 3 years ago when I had a lump on one of my balls which turned out to be benign but took 3 weeks before I knew that. I have felt far worse over this.

I have done more sock dyeing. I dyed the other 50grams of the black green and orange. It will not look the same as the one I am knitting, I hope, but who cares, I am learning how to get what I want. It's rather fun.

SHAME FACED

I went out yesterday during the day to the cinema. We saw 2012. We chose to see this at a cinema because it is a film the relies largely on special effects and they are always best seen on a large screen. I don't often go because I find it too physically uncomfortable. However, I armed myself for it. An hour before I went, I took 4 different pain killers, the maximum does of each. I considered taking a muscle relaxant as well but as I had to drive the 24 miles to and from, I thought better of it. Anyway, the drugs worked and I was able to sit out the two and a half hour film. It is always a surprise to me to discover that even when taking the full whack, I am not pain free! I still fidgeted due to discomfort in legs and hips and back and ribs. At the end I couldn't get up out of my seat without John hauling me up.

I awoke this morning full of fear and feeling tearful too. I had been fine over the weekend and was fine toward John too. I have to say I was worried about him being home but I need not have been. I did not feel anger as I feared I might. Anyway, I went for my swim and did double my normal amount of laps.

I couldn't wait to get home and inside again. I do not like being outside at all right now. The way I am feeling is similar to how I felt between 12 and 16yrs of age. I went around looking at the ground. I was lonely and afraid but nothing showed. Everyday school day I went through the same thing-being hit, spat on, tripped over, verbally humiliated, my nick name was 'shit'. Home and family was just more of the same, I found no solace there. I never lost that feeling for many years and even today, I find it very hard to go past a school and will avoid it if I can.

(It is also why I find dog shows such an effort to attend. I do it, and it is not as fearful as it was, but it isn't effortless on my part. I still have to steel myself for it. Groups of people terrify me. My PTSD really acts up too. If anyone comes up to me unexpectedly and touches me, I jump out of my skin. Thankfully I don't lash out. Oh, could you imagine that? I wouldn't last long hitting people would I? I know that for me to write about the fear I have to deal with for dog shows may seem odd when one considers the way I dress for them. I don't understand it either.)

I am not sure why, but all these feelings have come back to me. I have become afraid of being out, at least in daylight. Yes, I went swimming but I couldn't look at anyone. I feel relieved that the supermarket is 24 hour so I won't have to go until late when it is dark and empty.

I think it's stupid but I can't help the way I feel. I don't want to see anyone or talk with anyone. I don't want to put on my face. I am sure this will pass eventually and I shall return to being able to go out in the daylight and hold my head up.

Quite why I feel so ashamed when I have done nothing wrong is not clear at all to me, nor is it clear why those teenage years are back to haunt me.

I am knitting socks as usual. The merino/bamboo yarn I dyed using Kool Aid is really knitting up well, I am very pleased with the colouring. The second hand dye, in Trekking 75/25 is also coming along well. I have made up another no hole lace design and I will probably repeat this pattern for a plain coloured pair.